There's a 5:30 in the morning now?

Thursday 16th of July

Here I am on a 5:35 train into the city. Heading to a morning Body Step class. During the triceps and abs track of a Body Combat class last night it completely hit me, I am training to be an instructor next week! During this track I wasn't strong enough for it and that's when my thoughts turned to 'I need to be the best in the room to be an instructor,' not in a competitive, unhealthy sense but more like how can I show people how to do it if I can't do it myself? How do I switch from a participant to an instructor? My thinking and more importantly my feelings then turned to pure excitement, feeling motivated to put all I have into fitness. I am in love with Body Step, it makes me (and a room full of people, in thousands of rooms all over the world) feel so damn fantastic! This is the next chapter in my life, training my body, working hard for what I want, to be an incredible instructor!

So that's how I found my alarm buzzing at 5am this morning.

That was written last week. I am doing a lot of my writing on paper on the train and often by the time I reach a computer I am in a different mood and what I wrote is not so relevant in my new space and so I don't post it. It will sit in my book until I stumble across it and am in the same mood and same space and ready to post it. So here I am, another early gym morning which was of course fabulous! Somehow when I have been away from exercise too long I have no motivation to get to the gym, I forget how much I love it. And then after 1 class, rock climbing session or a gym session I think 'how can I possibly think I don't want this? How can I forget how good this feels and how much I love it?' it's sort of the same with drinking, I seem to forget that I don't enjoy being drunk and all that comes with it (and perhaps I forget that I don't have to be down or anxious because I certainly don't like the feeling of that.) But I am remembering these things more often. It's slowly drilling in.

Back to the Body Stepping. My training is in 2 days! 2 days! Who would have thought that 3 or so years ago when I took my first Body Step class; obese, uncoordinated, unfit and all, that I would fall in love and find myself instructing it!