If I knew then what I know now

Sitting on the bus heading home from Broadford Secondary College I sat in between the bullies and the bullied - this was basically my place in high school. The bullies would reach over me to the seat in front in which a quiet and vulnerable boy sat. They would flick his ear or put stuff in his hair, he would respond with a slight movement of his head but never would he turn around nor would he say a word. The bullies would laugh, but perhaps they just didn't understand the truly damaging affect bullying can have on people, perhaps they thought it was unfair but their position was safe and they would not dare risk losing it, or, and my heart tightens at the thought of this, perhaps they simply found it funny and enjoyed it. I would ask them to stop, point out that what they are doing is wrong or move their arm away, but how does that really help? I know that this situation hurt me as much as it did this bullied boy. And it wasn't just him, everywhere I looked someone was being teased or tormented or someone was being made to believe that they have less worth. The school was accepting of this hierarchy as true, simply playing the role that they found themselves in without question or a desire to change things for the better, teachers included.

Standing on the oval I could see the 'groups,' hanging in their claimed areas around the boundary, the 'populars' and the 'nots' and then the sub-groups amongst them. Turning around to see this inclusive/exclusive behavior, my world would spin faster than I was. I couldn't understand why people would fall in line with this 'American Highschool' way of being and I certainly couldn't understand why someone would enjoy bullying someone else. Was anyone truely themselves? Was anyone truely happy?

I found myself hanging 'down the back' with the 'smokers.' I loved this group because they were never exclusive, anyone could make that walk acoss the oval into the crew behind the pine trees. It was very much like a drop in center, the group would grow and shrink as people came and went. Anyone who tried to initiate groups, roles and levels would have eyes rolled at them and were ignored, anyone who tried to bully weren't welcome. If it wasn't for the smoker crew seeing the ridiculous of the bullying and role playing that surrounded us I would have snapped a lot earlier.

But alas I eventually snapped, half way through year 12 no less. Coming to school every day was too damaging and that was it I couldn't be in such a misguided and immature environment anymore. Like I said, I was rarely the victim of bullying but seeing it occurring everywhere, sharing the pain with or feeling frustration towards those around me was what really broke me down. Looking back on it, 6 years on, if I knew then what I know now I would have done something different. I don't regret leaving; like always, it was what was right for me at that time. But let's say I was the person I am now then instead of going into Mr. McKenzie's office and saying that I am leaving, I would have marched into Mr. McKenzie's office and said that I'd like to help start a 'no blame' bullying prevention and resolution program for the school. I wouldn't have left because even though I was still in the same environment, I would be doing something to correct it instead of being crushed by it. Fortunately for me I will be working in that field. I can help these kids; the bullied, the bullies and the ones who see it, help them understand what is really going on beneath these roles, why this hierarchy is bullshit and how they should look beyond the 'Ameican Highschool.'