The world is my playground!

Since I have been a single gal I have dated, had feelings for and been with quite a few guys (quite a few in comparison to the first 8 years of my romantic life which was spent with the one guy). The last 7 months have been...interesting. Who knew one could learn so much about themselves, and the male race (:-p) in such a short time?

With so much 'activity' (again, relative to what I have known previously) I am trying to keep my head straight about how I am feeling about certain people and where I want to be with these people, let alone how they feel about me and where they want to be with me! The attitude I am hanging onto in all this is to have fun ;-) and prioritise this time in my life for looking out for Kristy. Having a partner is not on that list of priorities. Right now, it seems like more hassle than it's worth, if I am to be with someone it means they are to be as important to me as I am to me. I'd know them as well as I know myself, I'd love them as much as I love myself, I'd want to spend as much time with them as I do myself. Gah, why bother! Especially with the fab friends I have and the busy life I am living.

I know it will be very different when my next love does come along, after all it's not like I was looking for a long time partner when I found Cam, it just happened. My next love will be someone I want to spend days and days in bed with, talking, cuddling, kissing. When this person comes along I will know they are going to be something amazing, the next fantastic thing in my life. I will date and be with people, happily. But I ain't looking for more than that...until I find it :-).

I say 'person', not 'guy' because there's nothing to say I won't spend the next chapter of my romantic life with a woman. I remember when I first realised I was attracted to females, I was about 15. It started as a sexual attraction to girls. I then started asking questions, 'does this make me bisexual? 'What does it mean to be bisexual?' This was at a time when a great deal of girls at school were waving their 'I'm into girls' flags and wearing their 'I am bisexual' badges. It was so obviously the attention they were attracted to more than they were girls. I never wanted it to be like that for me, for me it was about understanding these feelings and who I was (wow, what cliche 'experiemental, finding herself' teen antics).

Whether I was 'bisexual' didn't matter too much anyway since I was with Cam and this was a forever thing at this stage. But still, I came to an understanding, which I still stand by, that hetro, bi or homo are all just words and labels that mean nothing. What is important is whether one is in a romantic relationship with that sex. Sexual attraction is all fine and dandy but, in my opinion, it's not really a sexual orientation until you can spend your life with that person as your partner, who you love.

So while I was with Cam that was as far as I have been able to understand my sexuality, that I am attracted to girls. I am yet to discover how I feel about them on a romantic or real level. I believe my romantic feelings for girls won't be any different to that of guys, I have feelings for the person, not their sex. But I guess I won't know for sure until I date women in my next chapter.

What a big exciting world out there! My playground! I have been on the swing for so long, and I love and have loved the swing. But hey, there is so much more to play on. Slides, ladders, bridges, 'boingy' things, hopscotch, monkey bars, sand pit...it goes on. So, get out there, have fun, enjoy the playground and perhaps one day I will find something I love as much as I loved the swing, but why rush when there is so much to discover :-)!