Hey, remember that time...

Recently I've been having movie-like flashbacks in my mind. Involuntary memory flashes of random moments in my past that leave me thinking 'where'd that come from' before it speeds off again. Flash. Waiting for a bus to Cam's at Glenroy on a cold morning. Flash. Sitting on the steps of Spencer Street Station after escaping from the calls at work. Flash. Chilling in my secret space above my wardrobe at Wallan. Flash. Fearfully standing outside the arts room by the 'Life be in it' paintings in primary school.

I didn't understand why these memories were coming up in this manner. Mostly they were negative, or stressful memories. On thinking on them more I realised their point and purpose. I've realised that in those moments and many others, I was caught up in the moment and in the negative emotions that were felt. My mind and body were overwhelmed by what seemed like such a definitive state. In that moment there was nothing else, no future, no past, that place was everything and it wasn't a good thing. But now, sitting here, in Preston at 2 in the morning, 2, 5, 10, 15 years on, does that moment at Glenroy, Wallan or wherever really matter now? Or, at least as much as I felt that it did then? Sure, all these little moments add up to make my history and who I am, but that specific moment, when the whole world was crashing around me is nothing to me now - no scars are left form it.

This realisation is relieving because when I feel that overwhelming state come on now I remind myself that once it passes it will be just that, the past. More importantly when it passes it will be insignificant, as insignificant as the hundreds of other times I've felt this way, regardless of how much it doesn't feel the case in the moment. Perhaps in a few years I'll have this random memory come: Flash. Standing at the Flinders Street Station intersection not moving after multiple green man opportunities because I just couldn't. Even 10 minutes later it was past and insignificant.