I have made some epic decisions and actioned them in the recent years of my life. Namely, I decided to no longer be clinically obese and I lost 40kgs, I decided to no longer wander aimlessly and I found my counselling course and subsequently my psych/social work degrees, I decided that I wanted alleviate suffering so I became Vegan, I decided to never work in a call center again and I got a job that I couldn't love more, I decided to not be isolated and I have developed amazing friendships with amazing people (you know who you are), I decided to not be in a detrimental partnership (sorry Cam) and I became happy on my own. These decisions and actions were significantly motivated by my depression and not wanting it anymore.
I'm a big believer in not regretting life's experinces. Even the most incredibly painful ones, or the ones that seem inflicted upon us and unfair. My depression was painful, but I got so much out of it in the end. It motivated me to do the fantastic things I've done. It motivated me to become the person I am, and I couldn't love this person any more! (Hear that Damo-baby, it's ok to say it loud and proud :) - 6 things coming my way?). So, while I am scared of my anxiety, what it will be like and the long road ahead of me. I remind myself that it is only going to make me a stronger person, the end of the road will be a place I love; a place I was ment to end up in, whatever road I ended up taking to get there.
Already my anxiety has motivated me to make a decision and to begin to action it! This decision and this action is something I have been building up the courage to do for a very, very long time. I had a conversation with my mum on an adult to adult level, no longer, and never again mother to child. This conversation was something that needed to happen before mum and I coud have a real relationship and before I could let go of so much I've been holding onto. This conversation was a stop along the anxious road, I saw the road signs indicating I was getting closer, which caused much anxiety. I knew I had a choice; to speed up and not stop here or to finally stop and face what's there. I have passed this landmark on the roads I have taken many times. Every time I have seen the road sign I have sped up, I have never been ready to face it.
So here I am, proud to have stopped and glad I am still standing strong. After I leave this place and continue down the road of Kristy's anxiety, I know there are other significant landmarks I will pass, some I am expecting and some I have no idea about until I am right on top of them. Sounds like a fun road? You bet!
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Took me a minute to realize what you were on about with that shout out there...
ReplyDeleteI never said it's wrong for someone to like or love themself, just that the notion of writing a "Top 6 things I love about me" is completely misguided and lame. Listing the Top 6 things I hated about myself meant I had to look inward, risk facing some truths that I would otherwise ignore... to follow that up with a fluff piece tooting my own horn would have been stupid, not to mention a ridiculous read.
Despite your notions of feeling good about yourself through your own lens, and that people shouldn't judge themselves by society's input, my personal conviction is that people that can promote themselves in specific ways that would best be heard from a third party ("I'm a great conversationalist", "I have a good sense of humour", etc) lose points for whatever they're telling me, because it's obnoxious.
My thinking was that in your 'Hatorade' post, although written awhile ago, you seemed submissive to your flaws. Which just didn't feel comfortable to me. I'm just that lame that my 6 things would be titled '6 things I want to change about myself' instead of 'things I hate' and would have to be followed by 'things I love!' And you know what? Being super lame is just one of the things I love =p
ReplyDeleteI like that you managed to write so much about my shout out, seemingly uninterested in the rest =)
you know how when you read things like this..odd things jump out at you as important or stick in your mind?
ReplyDelete"some I am expecting and some I'll have no idea about until I'm on top of them"...I like this.
I forget that a lot. I try to plan for everything and go nuts when an unforseen thing occurs. But it truly isn't 'what happens' it's 'how we deal with it' that makes our road end up nicely. So it's much better to take things in your stride, as you clearly intend to do.
Another thing that jumped out is 40kgs?! that's heaps?! that's amazing! what a goal!! I had a similar one a few years ago when I weighed about that :o to put on about 10 kgs. Weight is a tricky thing, isn't it? Takes a surprising amount of effort. sigh. so that's hugely impressive. The hardest bit I find is always making the decision. Specifying what you want to do is trickier than doing it. And this post is specific. I love it .
Time to get going on my own specifics (it's 5 30 am . crappy nights sleep. feel quite dodgy but going to use the time )...
oh and im sorry I spelled your name wrong in my link from MY blog. I can't figure out how to change it ... ( it was hard to get it there in the first place. Not crash hot at this computer stuff... )
xxxx
I can relate, I used to be super wound up and when something didn't go according to plan I would freak out and it would escalate into something much bigger than it needs to be. Even something as simple as not finding the ingredients to what I was planning on making for dinner at the shop, for example. Being more flexible and remembering that things happen that weren't expected all the time and that that's ok makes a big difference in my functioning and anxiety levels!
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