Beyond Blue describes anxiety as 'paralysing' and all I can say to that is "spot on." When it's at it's worse, I just sit or lie down and I feel like I can't move a muscle. My thoughts race, usually with positive thinking, I am happy, I love being Kristy. I am so excited to get out there and live this fantastic life that I have worked so hard to build for myself. I want to go to work, to Uni, to Step, to taekwondo, but I don't, I just sit. It feels so conflicting, it feels like it's my mind and spirit vs. my body.
Right now I sit in my Uni cafe and I want to do anything else but sit here feeling this panic. I'd love to help out at Organarchy, or go for a walk through the city enjoying the sun and sights, or even go to my lecture that's running now, I'd enjoy that. But, like I've said, I feel paralysed. I know what you're probably thinking, I'm thinking the same thing, 'you're not paralysed, you can move. So just get up and do something, stop being melodramatic.' To move seems so easy in my mind...but still I sit.
My heart is racing, my muscles are locking up, it's an intense feeling which I feel I have no control over. And not having control is something I am struggling with. I have the knowledge, I have the desire, I have the tools to not feel this way. So I should be able to control it, right? Admitting that I don't have control and realising that I don't always have to have control helps. Seeing what I am experiencing as an illness is a good way of dealing with it. Like any other illness, whether it be diabetes or the flu, it needs to be treated and I am not always going to feel 100% and that's ok.
When I went through depression I kept it hidden from nearly everyone mostly because I didn't want to burden people and also because I didn't want to be isolated. Since then I have become a passionate believer in shining the light on mental health issues. The prevalence of mental illness is so significant, across all areas, ages, socioeconomic statuses, etc. that we can't afford not to talk about it anymore. So many people are suffering in silence, and even worse some people 'end their suffering' without speaking a word about it another person. A lot of people don't understand mental health and unknownly make things harder for a sufferer. "Just snap out of it" or "it's all in your head" are common mislead 'solutions' spouted.
This post has gone from an expression of my experience to preaching about the condition of mental health in our society. But since I am already up here on my soap box - Please don't feed into the misleading ideas surrounding mental health - Please take the time to listen to a friend about how they are really going and in the case of the sufferer - Please take the time to tell a friend what's really going on for you. I guess that's what I'm doing here, attempting to pull down the walls surrounding mental health.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Give SSRIs a good try; they're as good for anxiety as depression.
ReplyDeleteThanks anonymous, I am currently on SSRIs. Like I say, it is an illness requiring treatment, my treatment is SSRIs and therapy.
ReplyDeleteThats so fantastic kristy, wow!! everytime i read your posts i come away feeling so happy and... i dont even know what else it is that i feel but i know that i love it!!
ReplyDeleteSo amazing and i know that other ppl will be as stimulated after reading all your posts!!
Wow, you're so amazing!!
Hey Kristy - You've hit it on the head. I've tackled my life-crippling anxiety with a cocktail of techniques. These include medicine, which I still take, but now in a 1/4 the dosage I was one (and I hope to soon be off completely); psychiatric help (my doc was amazing); breathing exercises; meditation; physical exercise; acupuncture; and others. I don't feel like any one of these helped more than any other, everything together was powerful.
ReplyDeleteHowever, one of the most important things I did was to get the word out to everyone I knew about what was happening to me. Because the anxious me is WAY not the regular me, in fact, it's the opposite. I'm usually very out-going.
Telling people around me about what is happening has done two things. First, it has made me much more comfortable about this situation, so when I start feeling anxious, I don't have to feel anxious about feeling anxious. You know what I mean. That is a huge help.
Second, I have discovered many other people I know have bad anxiety as well, and I never knew it. They have shared stories with me about techniques and successes. They have been so supportive.
Best of luck!!
Kristie I love this!
ReplyDeleteAnd I love your shining the light attitude. The actual paralysation is awful but the isolating and not wanting to be a burden or feel awful because people will tell you it's 'all in your head' is equally as sucky. You're right. And if people understood more, they might respond differently and then people suffering might respond differently and actually get the help they need and make things ok (which is highly doable!).
mental health has a ridiculous stigma about it right now, doesn't it? And sometimes I wonder if it comes down to the overuse of terms such as 'depression' .
Although.. I guess that's easier said than done.
I knwo that I used to think technical 'anxiety' could be banished by looking around you and thinking 'im ok?!' and that it was a bit of a racing heart and not feeling great. And I'm a psych student?! Now that I've stood in the middle of Coles on the verge of being sick, with the walls closing in around me and literally unable to move , though, I think differently. How do you explain that , is the thing? to someone else?
And yes, how strange is it to discover how many people have felt that way before? it's actually MOST people !! If there wasn't such a stigma, everyone would understand that, and all share the techniques and successes you mention and that would be endlessly helpful.
so yay. great blog.
oh and i love the mention of how it's "WAY" not the regular you. How gross is that feeling? To be someone who loves people and places and opportunities and uni and living, but be terrified to leave the room and have no interest in anything.
Ew. just...ew.
much love.xxxx
Thanks for the fab comments guys!
ReplyDeleteSince I've been posting and speaking opening about my anxiety I have had other friends talking about what is happening for them... I could have asked for more!