I drank an incredible amount of Jim Beam last Saturday night. Sunday I was so damn sick and I felt it for many days. I haven't drank like that in 8 years (at Marcus' sharing a slab of VB with Cam, for those of you playing along at home). Last Saturday night I was so anti-Kristy, not who I am and definitely not who I am interested in being. I've been challenged with the question, 'to drink or not to drink' a lot over the years...
A brief history of Kristy's drinking. I did the youth thing in the early days. Asking strangers to buy us Passion Pop or stealing a mates mum's flask of red and getting very drunk on shit that tastes like shit and makes one feel...well, like shit! And that was fine, that's what we did, it was fun times. My drinking taste and behavior became more mature as I did, and I continued to drink until about 18. From 18 until about a year ago, I pretty much never drank. Either I was the designated driver, or I couldn't drink as I was loosing weight. Throughout that time I felt not being able to drink was such a horrible thing. This way of thinking mostly came about from my mates being so into it and hearing messages every which way that one needs to drink to have fun. What would be the point of going to a party without drinking? How can I avoid issues in my relationship without drinking? Blah blah blah. When my weight had reached a level I was happy with I started drinking again. And after 3 years of being deprived of this seemingly incredible substance I was excited! And I have had a year or so of it, I've had my binge nights, my quiet nights and my depressed, numb the pain nights and then I had last Saturday night, wowza!
The lesson I learned in the last phase of my drinking history is that alcohol causes more problems then it's worth. I've found drinking to be not that good in the end, turns out Jim isn't as good of a friend as I previously thought. Some of the problems that have come about from drinking are, well, I have already mentioned Saturday night's issues. And it's not only when I binge, even from drinking a reasonable amount regularly has it's draw backs. I have put on weight again and if I continue to drink I will continue to chub up. When I have been experiencing anxiety of late my thoughts go to drinking to deal with it, I felt like I had to drink, like Jim Beam's hold on me is way too strong. I even hurt animals when I drink, I'm pretty sure Jim Beam is vegan but beyond that I have never become a vegan when it comes to alcohol. I gave myself permission to allow someone else to suffer so I can 'enjoy' a drink, wtf? I have found I enjoy myself just as much or maybe more when I am not drinking. The Cat Empire concert I went to a month or so back, I didn't touch a drop and I had the most incredible time. I went to another Cat Empire performance a few weeks later at a winery (a winery people!). The wine I drank meant I couldn't even rock and roll to the fantastic music!
I'm not abstaining and I definitely don't disagree with drinking or have a problem with it in general. Let just say, this time when I stop drinking to loose the remaining weight, I won't think it is such a horrible thing. Feeling healthy, energetic and in control from making the choice to not drink and instead having a healthy diet and living a healthy lifestyle is so much more enjoyable...turns out that is who Kristy is. I think if Saturday night didn't happen I would have taken much longer to reach this point. I have had a voice in the back of my mind for a while asking what I am doing, why I am doing it and if it really makes me happy but the voice saying 'drinkthebeam,drinkthebeam,drinkthebeam,drinkthebeam' was much louder. Saturday night he was screaming! Sunday morning he was banished!
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wow, truly amazing!! i dont know what to say!! all your blogs have been so interesting and mind opening. I am so excited about reading more and more and wish that i too could write something as amazing as this!!
ReplyDeleteGreat work kristy!! xoxo
Sounds more like you learned to stop drinking and ignore the Beam, Dr. Strangegirl. But hey, whatever floats your boat. I've had some epically excessive nights with alcohol but it was always worth it, even the times I refunded. The only comparison I can draw is the last time I ripped a bong, which was about 3 or 4 years ago. I hit it too hard and too often my first time staying at a mate's house. He got tired and closed up while I sat up on the couch watching Chappelle's Show in a daze.
ReplyDeleteIt was a freezing night, especially when I decided to close up and went into the guest room to find a bare mattress, no quilt, no cover... I was trying to pull my hoodie over my legs and wrap myself up, I barely got any sleep just wrapped up in a ball shaking and wondering how the night took such a shitty turn. I woke up to them ripping the bong again and watching Jackass 2 on DVD, I skipped the bong and sat through that waiting for the buzz to wear off enough for me to drive home (realizing when I got behind the wheel that it hadn't).
I was always into the spliffs and pipe over the bong in general, but after that night I was into them exclusively. In hindsight it was the excess that ruined the night, I would have been fine with one or two hits. But it's shaded my perspective to the point where just seeing a bong takes me back to shivering to sleep and turns me away.
So that's my story... I think this counts as a post on my blog, because this is way more than a comment calls for.
Also: What's up with the timestamps up in here? Shit is whack...
5:00 PM? You're on Mountain time...
ReplyDeleteThanks Sarah, I love your enthusiasm!
ReplyDeleteAnd Damo, It's more than a comment calls for, but not enough for a post. Besides, it's not on your blog, so it doesn't count. Let's just call a fantastic post and thank you Damo.
I recall a similar incident from smoking. I don't know whether I did it again after that one but it involved me drinking and smoking together. Afterwards my eyes were red as and I was freaking the f*** out. Sitting on the couch trying to act straight while mind was racing with paranoid thoughts, dying to get out of there with no way of doing it...Good times =)
Also, I fixed the time
Yay, we're in Australia again!
ReplyDeleteThe way you described your freakout is similar to what I was doing, only I couldn't even grasp my thoughts so I was worrying about what I was worrying about... like... "OMFG I FEEL PARANOID... BUT WHAT ABOUT?!?"