I think I have some in my drawer at home?

Sharp pain in the chest along with a fast racing heart. Head light and dizzy, however full and pounding at the same time. Stomach aching with nausea, pleading for vomiting. Panic felt for no reason which results in panic over the panic, because I know how bad it can be. Where's that Valium?! Oh, that's right, I threw it all away! Quite rightly too, Valium is only an easy way out. And how so easy it is, how blissfully quiet my previously anxious world turns once I slip a few. Yes, definitely for the best that they have been tossed.

So what's happening now? Is it just the pressures of this life I am living, combined with the pressures of the upcoming Board Meeting resulting in a temporary relapse? Because I am certainly not going back to that place, I won't allow it!...or am I? The images are returning, thoughts become obsessive. Where's that Valium?! Oh, that's right, I threw it all away!

I remind myself to remind myself it will pass and when it does I won't even believe that it was felt at all. Because Kristy's world will be grand again. Right now it feels all encompassing and permanent but at the back of my mind I know better, I know it will pass, let it pass... Where's that Valium?! Oh, that's right, I threw it all away!

The best thing I can do is to not let myself use the anxiety as an excuse to 'get out' of something, in this case - work. It's a duel between my subconscious and conscious selves. Both stubborn, neither wanting to back down. The subconscious part of me thinks it better to avoid a challenge, it's main deciding tool is past experience and it's main motivator is to relieve discomfort. The conscious part knows that dealing with the challenge head on and leaving it in it's dust is truly the best way to eliminate discomfort, it's main tool is logic and main motivator is logic. I'm calming down...logic wins.