Personally I don't like to see a distinguishing line between men and women. Instead I prefer the line as horizontal and a continuum not a divider; masculinity to the left and femininity to the right. Sure, you will generally find more males congregating to the left and more females at the other end. But when looking at people individually, they can fall anywhere along the continuum, and they will. A person's sex doesn't dictate their gender. A friend of mine who although was born with a female anatomy, has always been a male and eventually transitioned into a male's body, actually, this is more a case of gender dictating sex, perhaps the way it should be.The other extreme to my way of thinking is ideas like males shouldn't express their emotions, where as females are over emotional, for example. That specific sexes exhibit particular behavior and things of the like. Some people see social depictions of male and female roles as true, as set. Oh boy, don't get me started on the frustration of gender stereotypes. Please, saying 'he's a male' isn't an explanation of someone's behavior, there is minimal correlation there. And how does being male and a dancer equal a homosexual? - these are just a few frustrations I've faced of late. Those ideas around sex and gender are fine if that's what you hold, just doesn't sit pretty with me.
I do accept that sexual hormones do affect a person's behavior, thinking, and emotions to some extent, which will push them towards their sexes' side of the continuum but factors like personality, upbringing, values and just basically who the person is, plays a bigger part and could find a male sitting comfy to the right and vise versa.
I have been fortunate to dodge the 'boy meets girl' and the subsequent gender role playing part of the program. A big chunk of my post-puberty life was spent with someone who also didn't fall in line with social expectations based on his sex and happily sat where he felt comfortable on the continuum. Lack of exposure to the games that adolescent boys and girls play which reinforces gender roles (except for receiving the occasional bunch of flowers from my boy) is probably what developed my sense of this continuum. Makes for another reason why I am grateful that relationship I had, perhaps without it I may have developed into a chick flick watching, make up wearing, waiting for the ideal male to make me whole kind of girl *shudders*.
The reason I bring these ideas up now is because I have left that comfortable relationship where I didn't need to think about sex and gender issues; previously my partner and I both happily sat on our places on the continuum which worked but now I have moved into the dating world. Since I have been put in 'the game' I have actually caught myself saying things like '...because he's a boy,' or 'what a girl wants...' when really it should be something like '...because he's [insert name here]' or 'what Kristy wants,' *hangs head in shame.* I have actually been playing games which rules I don't really understand, 'I need to wait 4 days before I can text him? What? Why?' It's not a comfortable thing to do, so at first I ignored the rules, if I like this guy I should just straight out let him know, right? Failure. So perhaps I'll give this game a try, after all I am female and he is male perhaps it's the way it should be. I took my girl friends' advice and made him chase because of course 'guys love that!'. Failure. Then I think perhaps I should stick with dating females. Although this thinking just reinforces those pesky stereotypes again, expecting a certain thing from being with a girl just because she's a girl.
I think all I am saying here, again, is fuck pigeon holes. I'll bring it all down to is it's an individual thing, where we sit, what we want and, as always, who we are. "Girls will be boys and boys will be girls, it's a mixed up muddled up shook up world, except for Lola."
Agreed, for sure. You know me, 'what's meant to happen will happen'. 'Failure' perhaps says something more than I mean to.
ReplyDeleteBut who knows, maybe if I had of waited an extra day before messaging or said this word instead of that than we'd be getting married now :P
Oh wait, you have already decided who I will marry, a strict religious type was it?
There's way too much going on here for me to dig into at work, but I did want to pause on the second and third paragraphs there. You're saying that some people are misguided in thinking that male and female roles are set, and that gender stereotypes shouldn't be in place.
ReplyDeleteYou go on to point out that while gender hormones do affect behaviour, thinking and emotions, it's personality, upbringing and values that dictate their placement on the "continuum"... but those are generally outside factors passed on by family, friends and institutions, at least until rebellion sets in.
Whether right or wrong, parents generally pass on their ideas of what a boy should be and what a girl should be to their children, as do schools and friends. Some people break free of the mold, others might feel trapped playing a role, but most accept it as the way things are.
It's because of this that things can be justified as male or female behaviour. To ignore that is to ignore the way things generally are in favour of an idealised society.
I appreciate your stab at a comment regardless of being at work, you know I always love comments from you...even if I don't comment back *straight* away. :-p :-)
ReplyDeleteMostly I see your comment as a summary of my post, without disagreement so I am going to take that as somewhat of an agreement.
And yes, I see what you're saying, there is a reason why the gender roles exist. Beginning right from the get go with what color parents dress their baby in and continuing from there. Still is it not our purpose to explore and challenge the status quo?
Well, it was kind of a disagreement. Look at the way that you wrote about gender stereotypes. You're frustrated with people that make them like they're making some bizarre conclusion that they shouldn't, when a lot of them are grounded in majority rules verdicts developed over tens of years. You can explore and challenge the status quo on a case by case, but you can't dismantle every stereotype just because you know one person that goes against the grain. Once you pull at that thread, you're undoing all the statistical and analytical research that lets us know how the mind works.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely agree. Especially when studying Psychology it impossible for me to ignore the stats and research, that's what Psych is. I'm not doing that, not trying to debunk what the stats say, or even stereotypes.
ReplyDeleteSure, 98% (or whatever) people with a penis are going to identify themselves as male and will behave more or less according to the male stereotype. That is understandable. It turns to frustration when, say, when I went on a date with a contemporary dancer and everyone I spoke to about it scrunched up their faces and asked me if I am sure he's not gay! In that situation people are applying a stereotype to an individual and honestly expecting things of him because of it. It ignorant and frustrating.
That being said, my frustration doesn't apply to the general acceptance as stereotypes as true, because generally you'll find they are true, if you look at the entire population. Looking at an individual, not so much!