They say I can't rap about coke no more.

Just think, it's been over 2 weeks since 'Wonderful Wednesday.' Re-reading that post I noticed the mention of my fortnightly cycle; ten days good, four days bad. This pattern has taken place over the last 6 or so months. I'd have a crash, I would go somewhere dark for four days, deciding I don't want it I'd claw my way out, I'd have more motivation and bounce than before the crash, I'd want so much for myself, I'd work towards it at full speed for ten days, then I'd crash again. Like I say, it's been 17 days and no such crash and what's more, I know there isn't one waiting for me. As I said in the 'Wonderful Wednesday' post, that night Kristy, the real Kristy, came back to me, she returned and she hasn't left since. What do I mean by 'the real Kristy'? Basically there was a shift inside me that altered my 'core existence' (for lack of better word). Perhaps a better way of seeing it is that the real Kristy was always there and when the anxiety lifted it could been seen/felt/heard/whatever again. Previously, the anxiety didn't lift as such but instead was covered by happier things. This resulted in not feeling the bad but instead compensating which resulted in an overly happy, overly excited way of being which can be just as exhausting. But now, instead of covering the anxiety, it has passed by and I am left with neither the anxiety feelings nor the compensating positive ones but instead, raw Kristy. Raw Kristy is peaceful, content, and genuinely happy. Kristy in this state has a strong base that doesn't get knocked over easily.

In a segway sashay, I may have lost one cycle but I am pleased to have picked up another. "I got my period today" "Oh good lord!" *spits wine*. The reason I mention this is that I am pleased to announce I am a drug-free, natural woman! No more anti-depressants, no more Valium and no more artificial hormones pumping through me! Ah, a sigh of relief. I very much prescribe (pardon the pun) to the idea that our bodies are designed to heal themselves, to correct imbalances and to strive towards homeostasis. I like medicines to only be used as a last resort. My body has thanked me since I have gone off my regular medicines and funnily enough, since the medication's side effects far outweighed the benefits, I am much healthier since I have gone off them. So the last fortnight, without all the previously mentioned shit to be surrounded by I have been focusing on my life, much nicer.